Past these days I was very down with myself, I kept thinking about all the things that happened. I felt sick and tired. I was, yes once in the same situation few months back, but this was more than what I could bear. He asked me to remember Him. I know, few months ago, I refused to do that.
But now, I feel like I am a new person inside and out. I don't know how much longer I could stay like this. But I hope I can do it.. for myself and my happiness.
I admit that when I was going 'crazy' at that time, I know all of them, mum, dad, bro and sis knew what happened. I felt stupid, actually. Mum said this to me bluntly, " do you want to destroy every single thing that you have? If he doesn't want you, then be it! Just think about yourself and the people around you." My tears fell silently. And, she is right. I am still young, I have to think about myself, first thing first.
God is merciful. Allah s.w.t is the Beneficient, the merciful. Though this I couldn't say anything yet. I hope He shows me the right path. I hope this will be the right thing for me to do. I am not a very religious person, I admit that. But true, He is willing to help. Allah is with those who are patient.
"Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, 'We believe,' and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false" (Quran, 29: 2-3).
We, as a human being will be tested by Him with countless trials, problems. In a situation that we might feel that we have a little too much burden and little less hope. This, is tiny. Just a small thing He tested upon me. And yet, I failed to remember Him. I failed to know him. But I am not going to repeat the same mistake. InsyaAllah.
I truly hope that I could have a right person, with me. Together, he will guide me to the right path. One day. Hopefully.